I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
