last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Still dying that you shit outside
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
