Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
