Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
