I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
