Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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