And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
