I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
