I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
