good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
