"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
