he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
