nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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