Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My liver just had a heart attack.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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