i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
