I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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