Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
