a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
it's great music for shaving your balls
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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