in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
