So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
