the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
