people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
