remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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