I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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