Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
they're like a gay fantastic four
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
