Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
