I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
