I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
