corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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