i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
