he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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