I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Who wears a wallet chain?!
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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