I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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