He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
