Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Be still, my beating vagina.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
