don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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