Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
