I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
