I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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