Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you win again, gameday.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My dick has a subreddit
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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