I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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