i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
