I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
