I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
so much tequila, so little girl.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
