umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize