I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
