We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
