I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
