D3 body, D1 cock
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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