the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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