I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
