I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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