Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
