so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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