i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
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