I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
