Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
