i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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