We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
