she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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