I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
