I think I just saw someone hide a body.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
