I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
