his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
