Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I think I just sharted jello shots
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