Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
