Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
