Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
