So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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