You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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