well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
